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hearts on the line Review and Giveaway


 


Marla Martenson is a professional matchmaker, life coach and speaker. Marla is the author of  two relationship advice books. Excuse Me, Your Soul Mate Is Waiting and Good Date, Bad Date and two memoirs, Diary of a Beverly Hills Matchmaker and Hearts On The Line.
She has appeared countless radio and TV shows including the Today Show, WGN Chicago Morning News, San Diego Living, Urban Rush and Better TV. 
Marla lives in Los Angeles with her husband, composer, Adolfo Jon Alexi.

FEATURED BELOW IS THE FIRST CHAPTER OF HER BOOK: 


amazing
Horrendously long line at ’Bucks this morning—though I allowed plenty of time. I’ll be late for my job at the Double D dating service in Beverly Hills, a place where no one should be expected to work without a serious cup of their usual morning addiction. I attribute some of the delay to my hair. My boss Gary insists that I, his vice- president, must perfect my fine, unmanageable red tresses before I’m fit to meet with any client. We’re not talking just chic or even professional. We’re talking hot. My hair must send a message: if you think your matchmaker is sexy, big boy, just wait until you see what stunners we have waiting for youfor the right fee. Money should be no object when you’re looking at hair this hot, right? That’s what Gary expects my hair to do for his business.
My hair ignores Gary though. I did try. I ironed it with a gizmo that cost a hundred bucks, which left a big red burn on my neck— whereupon I cussed in three languages. And now the morning is humid, and little dorky wisps go all frizzée. The message my hair sends is more like: if you mess with me, you’ll find out what’s hot around here right nowmy temper. I mean, I know I’m luckyreally luckyto have my job, but the longer I work at it, the tougher it is to think of positive affirmations that inspire me to keep pairing the Farley Fuckwits with the Amy Airheads. And my boss....
Oops. A lapse into negativity. I’ll do affirmations laterkind of like the old Hail Marys my Grandma used to do, except that they’re about positive energy instead of sin and guilt. They do help.
My turn. Finally. The barista asks, “Grande vanilla soy latte, right?”
“Make it a venti.” I have a feeling I’m going to need it.
I don’t get to work until 10:15. My assistant, adorable Alana, greets me with a frozen smile and an ever so slight nod toward the other person in the room. I turn to see Brittany Malone, a client, sitting on the mocha leather sofa, thumbing through a Vogue magazine. The scene could be a cover shot for Vogue. The office itself still looks good, though Gary has downgraded because of the recession. He auctioned off the original art work on e-bay and picked up an abstract at a Farmer’s Market sidewalk sale to hang over the sofa. The sprays of roses the plant service used to provide are long gone...as is the service. One lone ficus, cared for by Alana, now graces the soft designer hues on the walls and the shining marble floors.
The focus of the Vogue cover would be gorgeous Brittany. Twenty-eight with long silky auburn hair, alabaster skin and big green eyes, she has the figure and wardrobe of a runway modelnot so difficult using her father’s Black American Express card. Brittany has been engaged more times than Lindsay Lohan’s been on the cover of a tabloid. Last week, I matched Brittany with Sam Johnston, a real estate developer in Coloradoan actual great guy, not a Farley at all.
“Hi, Brittany.”
Her eyes tear up. “Hi, Marla...I just stopped by to talk to you about something. Do you have a moment to see me?”
“Of course. Come right this way.” I lead her down the hall and through the artistically etched glass double doors of my office,shaking off the morning’s frustrations to put on my coach cap. I stash my handbag, sit, and take a generous swig of my latte. “Have a seat, Brittany. What can I help you with?” I ask, as if I had no idea what might be troubling her pretty head.
Brittany’s tears dry. She stands right in front of my desk, hands on her size two hips. “Marla, I went to see Sam last week in Denver. He flew me out for the weekend. We had such an amazing connection. He took me to dinner at an amazing restaurant called Mizuna. We ate like royalty and drank champagne. It felt like we’d known each other for years. It was...” She holds her hands up, fingers splayed, eyes rolled heavenward. “...amazing.”
“Terrific, Brittany. I’m so happy to hear this.”She sits down. “Well, Sam proposed, and I accepted.”
“On your first date?” 
This is pretty fast, even for Brittany.“Yes, he sure did. It was amazing. We talked about him buying a
house out here in L.A. and us living in both cities. He told me that he was going to get me an engagement ring soon. I was in heaven. He seemed like a really amazing guy Marla.” Her lower lip starts to quiver and the tears roll again. I hand her a tissue.
She dabs at her eyes. “I flew back home two days later, and we’ve talked a few times on the phone. I thought things were fine,but then he stopped returning my calls. I hadn’t heard from him for two days, and then I got an email this morning telling me that he’s changed his mind and feels that things went way too fast. He doesn’t want to see me anymore.” She is sobbing now as she pops up and paces in front of my desk. Her voice raises an octave. “He promised me that we would GET MARRIED AND BUY A HOUSE! What a LIAR. What kind of a man would DO a thing like that?”
My boss Gary has come in and looms just outside my office door out of Brittany’s view. He’s scowling, but I keep my focus on Brittany.
She’s a drama queen, but I feel for her. She wants to be in love like everybody else. “Sweetie,” I say softly, “why would you even accept a proposal from someone you just met? What is the rush? The whole purpose of dating is to get to know someone and find out about his character.”
“This happens to me all the time—men asking me to marry them on the first date.”
“But this isn’t normal, Brittany,” I tell her gently. “And the love- at-first-sight instant fiancé plan hasn’t exactly worked out so far, has it?” I’m about to point out that she may have come on too strong again with her lifestyle priorities, but her glare stops me.
Then she sobs even louder. “This is so UNFAIR! How could he TREAT ME LIKE THIS?” she wails, blotting the tear tracks from her cheeks.
Gary charges in and says in a stern voice, “Brittany, you have to leave now. We can hear you in the lobby. You’re disrupting my whole office, and I have a prospective client coming.”
She looks stunned. “Let me tell you what happened with one of your clients, Gary. I think you should know what kind of people you are signing up here!”
Gary shakes his head. “Uh-uh. I don’t want to hear it. Get your purse and get out! Now.”
I turn away from Gary so he can’t read any shock that might be registering on my face. I shrug slightly and give open-mouthedBrittany a pathetic look of helpless sympathy. It doesn’t seem to help. She snatches her purse and my box of tissues and stomps out of my office.
“Marla, I don’t want to see that woman in here again. Throw away her file. She’s obviously unstable.”
I give Gary a whatever-you-say-boss look and nod as he backs away. He had no appointment with any new client. He just doesn’t want even the possibility of drama just in case someone might walk in. And I understand that, but Brittany is a ten and not easily replaced. All tens are high maintenance one way or another. I’d much rather counsel Brittany than have to spend hours and aggravation trying to replace her. But, boss’s orders. toss Brittany’s file into my Portofino style wastebasket. I then send Sam an email, letting him know that Brittany stopped by and was very upset. He quickly responds:
Hi Marla,
Oh boy, where do I start? Well, I was definitely smitten with Brittany from the first time I laid my eyes on her sweet face and saw that angelic smile, but things soon changed when her demands became more than I was willing to submit to.
Here is the list of things that she was asking for in order for us to have a life together. Let me know if you think I am out of line for running for the hills....
7 carrot engagement ring, wholesale, more than $100,000 New Ferrarri for her in L.A.
$3 million dollar home for us in L.A.
Professional interior designer

Travel back and forth L.A. / Denver, Denver / L.A., every week.
New furniture for her to have a new office in the Denver house, $20k.
And she doesn't have to work or have kids for 4 years.
She is very sweet, but very expensive and high maintenance.
Thanks again, we came close! Sam
Kee-rap. Cost of having a wife like Brittany? Four million for starters. Cost of having the peace of mind without her? Priceless!
Brittany needs to take an Olympic nose-dive into the real world. Before her date with Sam, she’d asked for some feedback, and I told her that the guys thought she was gorgeous but too interested in material things. Instead of backing off, she’s even more of a GDGD.
GDGD – A gosh darn gold digger.
No matter how many times I see this behavior, the nerve some women have still shocks me, especially after they’ve only knownsomeone for a week or less. I guess Gary wasn’t as heartless as I thought. She deserves a hard landing on her size two whoopee cakes.
I’ve been married to Adolfo for eight years, and I’d be embarrassed to ask him outright to buy me something since I make my own money. I take a book of matches out of my drawer, light the lilac aromatherapy candle on my desktop, and take another sip of my latte. Hard to believe that Im going into my seventh year working here at Double D—not the company’s real name, of course. Let’s call it Exclusive Personal Search of Beverly Hills, the mother ship of a multi-city enterprise. I know you didn’t think Double D stood for Dream Dates. It’s the cup size ninety-five percent of our male clients specify for the women they are willing to pay us megabucks to find, as I’m sure you D-duced. What you may not have guessed is that women don’t have to pay anything. Just show up with a pretty face, a size two butt, and, you know, the knockers. These men are essentially trying to buy a trophy wife, but I know that the happiest ones are those that connect with soulmates. That’s where I come in. I’ve even written a book called, Excuse Me, Your Soul Mate Is Waitingfor which after several years, I still collect modest royalties once in a while.
I get busy with my files, determined to find Sam a great match, a woman who doesn’t have my personal GDGD code next to hername. The good side to this is that once the men have experienced dating a GDGD, they’re a little less insistent on the traffic-stopping lookers and open to a more realistic pairing. I pull out several file pages and accidentally knock over my latte, just as the phone rings. Damn. My venti latte!
I see that Alana’s already on the other line, so as I’m opening a fresh tissue box to wipe up the spill, I pick up the phone.Exclusive Personal Search of Beverly Hills, Marla speaking.”
“Oh, hi Marla, you are just the lady I was hoping to talk to.”
I recognize the voice. It’s Lewis Grover, a tall, ruggedly handsome fifty-five-year-old client with a thick head of wavy gray hair who lives in the mountains near Reno. He is semi-retired and spends most of his time gambling, fishing or traveling. Lewis has a gregarious personalitywarm and affectionate with a wicked sense of humor. I haven’t heard how the dates have been going with his recent referrals, except that he doesn’t seem to get a lot of second dates.
Over the years, I’ve helped hundreds of clients, but Lewis stands out. Last year at the Double D Christmas party in a posh supper club in Beverly Hills, Lewis spotted me making my way to the bar for a second chardonnay. He scooped me up and swung me around before almost suffocating me in a bear hug, which wouldn’t have fazed me except for the fact that when he swung me around, my skirt twirled up, giving our stuffy new client Richard Beeman from Bel Air a grand view of my Spanx. But when his hand then “accidentally” slipped down to my left breast, I realized that nice guy or not, he was going to have to settle down real quick. I glanced around the room to make sure my Adolfo didn’t see the slippery silver fox’s fancy holiday greeting. Adolfo is generally not jealous, but he does enforce a strict policy of “look but don’t touch” when it comes to any gentlemen who might be admiring my allure. I got the feeling Lewis’s behavior was harmless enough, but I didn’t want Adolfo’s Latino pride to force him to challenge the six-foot-five mountain man to a pre-Christmas duel.
“Lewis, hi, how are you doing?” I chirp into the receiver, the awkwardness of the holiday party still vivid in my mind.
“Well, I have a little problem...” His voice sounds gravelly and strained.
Why would he be calling me? “Did one of your introductions flake on you or something?” I ask while finally getting the Kleenex out of the box and dabbing the coffee to try to keep it from reaching the files. Clients sometimes want to complain immediately to me about this sort of thing.
“I need your help.”
“Oh?”
“Marla, you are a very attractive woman. Very sexy,” he says.
I frown a bit at his words and also at several of my files that now
have latte-colored edges.Lewis continues, “I’ve been trying to get a release here for the
past half hour, and it’s just not working. So, I thought you might be able to help me.”
Rats, I’m going to have to make new file pages. “Um, Lewis I’m not quite following....”
“Goddamit, I CAN’T COME! I’ve been trying everything, but I just CAN’T COME! Please, if you can just stay on the line with me, it should only take a few minutes....”
EEEEeeeewwwwww. My stomach does a flip-flop, and I feel a bit dizzy. “Lewis, I can’t possibly have heard you correctly. What in the hell—?”
“Please Marla, if you stay on the line with me while I do this, I’ll FedEx you five thousand dollars the minute I hang up.”
I am on my feet now pacing back and forth behind my desk. “Lewis, why would you call me? For God sakes, I am yourmatchmaker! I’m married.”
“Please.”
“This is highly inappropriate. Of course I won’t do this. Besides, I could lose my job!”
“Okay, ten thousand dollars! If you do it, I’ll send you ten thousand dollars! For the love of God, please help me, I can’t come!”
I am totally freaking out. I am crawling out of my skin. Lewis has lost his mind. But... for a nanosecond a dozen thoughts flash through my brain at the same time. If I stay on the line for five more minutes while Lewis jerks off, my credit card debt could be totally wiped out. But then again, would he really send me the money? Sudden disgust. What am I thinking? And if Gary found out, I’d probably be fired. And Adolfo...My God, Adolfo would go berserk.
I imagine myself saying, Honey, I’m finally debt free! How did it happen? Oh, it was a breeze, all I had to do was stay on the line while one of my clients jerked off, fantasizing about me. No, no, no, no, no.
“LEWIS, I CANNOT AND WILL NOT DO THIS. GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF!” Oh, shit! Did I really say that? That is exactly what he’s doing. God, he’s moaning. “Damn it, Lewis, you need help!” I say before slamming the phone down. Help? “Merde!” I mutter. He probably took that wrong too, the cabrón.
Our new telemarketer Connie is standing at the doorway of my office beside Alana, puzzled looks on their faces.
I turn to the girls and open the door. “OH. MY. GOD!” I recount the obscene phone call while pacing in front of my desk andhyperventilating. “What an asshole!
“You have to tell Gary about this,” says Connie. “He has to know.”
I shake my head. “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”
“I agree with Connie,” says Alana. “You can’t match this guy anymore. He needs to be kicked out of Double D.”
8 Marla Martenson
“How am I supposed to tell Gary? It is sooooo disgusting. I wonder why Lewis called me. A forty-something married womanat work no less! I mean, that’s what 800 numbers are for.”
“He is definitely, sick,” says Alana. “It’s amazing that money lets some guys be an even bigger perv than a regular dude who just makes anonymous obscene calls.”
“Yeah. Amazing. $10,000,” says Connie. “Don’t vibrators work for men? Geez.”
I kind of shiver.“I’m going to bring you some coffee,” Alana says.
“Thanks.” I’m seriously questioning the prohibition of cocktail
s
before noon. Keeping a flask in my desk doesn’t seem like such a bad
idea.I don’t remember much time passing as I think about a nice
long hot shower, but I’m grateful when Alana comes in and sets down my coffee.
“Thanks, Alana.”
She leaves again. I can’t seem to switch gear. What did Lewis think of me that made it okay for him to call me?
Gary buzzes me. “Can I see you in my office for a minute?”
Uh-oh. I get that guts-are-sinking feeling whenever Gary “wants to see me in his office.” I’m always afraid I’m going to get the ax, even though the clients are happy, and I’m doing a great job. Did Lewis call him and make up some story? I head down the hall.
Once I step into Gary’s office, he closes the door immediately. Gary keeps his office at least fifteen degrees cooler than the rest of the place, and I break out in instant goose bumps.
We are standing near the door only about two feet away from each other. Gary has a concerned look on his face.
“What’s up?” I ask, arms crossed.
“Marla, I’m just wondering, is everything okay at home?”
What a strange question. “Excuse me?”
“Is everything all right between you and Adolfo?”
“Umm...I’m not really following. Of course everything is okay.”

I’m totally confused.
“Oh, I was just wondering because you aren’t we
aring any
make-up today, and you’ve been looking tired and washed out lately.”
Not today. Not today. “I am wearing make-up. The exact same amount as always.”
He leans in closer, inspecting me like I’m saleable merchandise. “Oh, yeah, I guess you are. It’s very light though.”
I feel my face turning red. How dare he ask me this? I always look nice WITH makeup, and my hair is as close to “hot” as possible on a muggy day. And I’m dressed as elegantly yet professionally as my wardrobe budget can stretch. I know the client list is low, but what does he expect? I’m supposed to look like a hooker with glasses, like from those cheesy porn titles involving the secretary and the boss? I, his vice-president?
“I’ve got two words for you: young and smokin’ hot.”
Well, Lewis sure thought sonot that I care what fuckwits think. Now, I don’t even want to tell Gary about the call from Lewis now in case he turns it around somehow to use against me. Gary and his fake concern about my marriage. Ugh. “Will that be all?” I ask, loading as much frost as I can into the four words.
“Not quite.”
Hell. His cell phone chimes, and he holds up a finger to signal for me to wait. I use the chance to try and refocus.
Affirmations: I deserve a break.
  •   I deserve respect.
  •   My hair and makeup send a message: I am amazingin a
    good way.
  •   I am better able to discern any small traces of inner beauty
    in fuckwits and airheads. 




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Sticky Situations Contest



That erie silence in the home when you realize your child is super quiet and hasn't bothered you in over 10 minutes. That is the silence of a messy situation. You find your child in the pantry covered in flour. You want to freak out, instead you reach for a camera and the wet-ones. 

As a parent you are going to learn by trial and error. After that situation you are going to keep the flour up higher or in a container. Wet-ones has joined forces with Mom Central for the Stick Situations contest. All you have to do is tell them your sticky situation and tips on how to deal or eliminate these situations.

You can enter here.

The form is super easy to feel out so hurry this contest ends December 28th.

Here are the prizes

One grand prize winner will win a Ipad mini.


3 runner ups will win a set of 4 six flag tickets.



“I participated in a campaign on behalf of Mom Central Consulting for Wet Ones. I received a promotional item to thank me for participating.”






Cash Register Giveaway

Tis the season for great giveaways! The Sublime Media Connection wants you to win a super fun toy that will entertain children of a variety of ages! We are pleased to be giving away the Cash Register from Magic Cabin. This fun and educational toy is made of Rubberwood and features a functioning calculator, a roll of paper for adding and subtracting, a scanner that sounds just like one at the grocery store, play money and a bank card. 
You will want to check out the review to find out more about this toy.  You can read the review here. If you feel lucky enter to win this super fun toy from Magic Cabin! This giveaway begins on 12/14 and ends on 12/21. Happy Holidays from the Sublime Media Connection! The participating bloggers cannot be held responsible for the shipment of this prize.



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UGLee pen review && GIVEAWAY




As a stay at home mommy blogger I try my hardest to keep organized. I basically wrote 3 to-do lists a day. I also have a current addiction to pens. Especially weird looking pens. I had the opportunity to try out and review the UGLee pen I was quick to jump.

Don't be turned away just because of the name of the pen. Remember never judge a book by it's cover. 

When I received my pens I was ready to try them out. I doodled, wrote to-do lists and practiced my signature. The jelly covering that covers 75% of the pen made such a difference. Not only was my handwriting more pretty but I felt the urge to keep doodling. They are just that comfortable to your grip.

                                            So what makes these pens unique?

  • They were created by a doctor. Dr. James Lee.
  • They weigh 11 oz, making them very light and easy to use
  • They have the worlds smoothest ink system
Many people can benefit from the many features of the UGLee pen. People with carpel tunnel and arthritis can easily use this pen pain free. Since the jelly is uniquely created you barely have to grip the pen to use it. 

UGLee pens come in seven different colors: red, pink, white, yellow, green, blue, and gray.
As for the ink you can choose between: red, blue and black.

Where to buy UGLee pens
ORDER HERE

Connect with UgLee pens
FACEBOOK
TWITTER



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I received one or more of the products mentioned above for free using Tomoson.com. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers.

EdenFantasys Holiday Shopping Guide && Giveaway

Sexy Christmas gifts from EdenFantasys - the sex toys shop you can trust!



Dear Readers,
The giveaway and blog post have been moved.
Do not worry about your blog entries they will not affected by the sudden move.

Find the giveaway here



Pine Bros Softish Throat Drops Review


The cold weather is officially upon us. Change in the weather often results in colds and viruses.  Fight your sore throats with Pine Bros softish throat drops. Pine Bros is a company that had been around for along time, to be exact they were established in 1870. Given the fact they have been around for so long I thought I would have heard about them but I never knew this kind of product existed. Thanks to the generous people at Pine Bros I was able to try the flavors strawberry and honey.

Now I know you are probably wondering why are these throat drops considered soft. Well it because these throat drops are actually soft but firm. With the soft texture of the drops it actually makes for a more pleasant throat drop experience, especially if your throat is really raw. Unlike many other cough drops you do not have the nasty after taste or the menthol.



The wild cherry flavor is not too sweet at all. The taste is actually more of a natural dried strawberry. Half way through the drop you will notice that it loses it flavor but now you can actually feel the drop soothing your throat.


The honey flavor is amazing. I am going to be completely honest here. I hate honey. I was scared to try it but for my readers sake I did. The honey drops are sweet and have a very mild taste. So if like me if you don’t like honey do not be turned away by the flavor.

I would defiantly recommend these throat drops to almost anyone I met. Even though the texture may not be for everyone these drops are defiantly something you need to try out. If you haven’t seen these throat drops don’t worry they are making their way back into the market and can be found at your local CVS for about $3. The product will come in a 32 count bag or 26 count pucks.

You can order Pine Bros here.

Connect with Pine Bros.

I received one or more of the products mentioned above for free using Tomoson.com. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers.

RESCUE Remedy Natural Stress Relief Gum review


Rescue remedy is another brand I recieved in my bride to be voxbox. The product I received from them was their natural stress relief gum. You heard it right, stress relief gum. Who knew right?!?

Anyways this stuff is amazing. I know quiet a few people who chew gum to relief stress. Well what if the gum they chewed contained all natural ingredients that help you relax. I know this sounds almost to good to be true but its not. I tried the gum for myself and it works.

I am a stay at home mommy. I run this blog. I am also a partner, maid, chef and complete multitasker. I get stressed a-lot. When I tell you this gum is the real deal I need you to go buy a pack and try it for yourself.

The flavoring of this gum is hit or miss. Your going to love it or your going to hate it. I personally love the light citrus taste I get with this product. The flavoring may not last long but the stress relief last around 2 hours. 

My boyfriend also loves this stuff. It actually is helping him to quit smoking. He chews gum to keep his mind of a cigarette but being a electrition he can easily get stressed by his fellow construction workers. With this gum being a stress relief he is able to chew the gum and not get stressed during the day. This means not cigerate for him. I am so happy about this.

**I received this product as part of a influenster box I am not required by any means to write this review. All opinions are 100% honest and mine.**

EverEZlashes Review


I received a pack of everEZlashes by kiss in my bride to be voxbox. I featured my box earlier this month you can read about it here.

Typically I am turned away from false eyelashes except for a grand event. False eyelashes have always seemed to be a hassle for me and I could never understand how people could put on false lashes everyday. Like where do you find the time to concentrate on putting on lashes?

What I love about the everEZlashes is that they are so easy to apply. It took me less then 5 minutes to apply these babies and they looked great. Why are these lashes so easy to apply? Well because Kiss came up with a brilliant idea to add red strings to these lashes. The red string allows to you move the lashes to the correct area without having to completely remove the lash and reapply.

These falsies are even re-usable if taking care of properly. If you are a beginner at applying lashes I would defiantly recommend these falsies to you. Even experiences beauty queens can appreciate the perfect easy application.

EverEZlashes retail for about $3 at your local drug store or mass retail stores. I suggest you go grab a pair and look great at those holiday parties you have coming up.

**I received these lashes as part of a influenster box I am not required by any means to write this review. All opinions are 100% honest and mine.**



JUPPY baby walker review && giveaway


My 8 month old son Lucas is trying so hard to stand up and walk on his own. As of right now he can only pull himself up and walk hanging on to things. I am helping him learn to take steps by letting him grab hold of my fingers and walk. This method though has started to hurt my back and his fathers back. Thankfully we were introduced to the Juppy baby walker. It is a lifesaver and a back saver.

What is the Juppy?
The Juppy is a alternative baby walker. It is actually the only baby walker that can fit in your purse. The Juppy comfortably lets your baby stand while you hang unto two straps that act as an extension of your arms. The straps allow you to stand up right the proper way.


Here are some quick facts about the JUPPY.

Traditional
Walker
World Famous
Juppy

Natural Way To Learn:NoYes
Builds Confidence :NoYes
Teaches Balance :NoYes
Annual Accidents:ThousandsZero
Fits in a Purse:NoYes
Parent Assisted:NoYes
Weight:15 lbs8 oz




How much is it? and where can I get it?

The Juppy is retailed at $19.95 and is available here.

Connect with Juppy:








The great people at Juppy have offered to giveaway a juppy to one of my lucky winners.
The winner can also choose to customize the juppy with their childs name.
GOODLUCK!!




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